This is getting hard, I am getting into trouble, I need a job. Why is it so hard to find one? Not just the current “crisis” excuse, what happened to the job market, what is happening to my career, what is happening to my life? I’m almost out of money, I have only one more month to find a job, then I won’t get any more unemployment insurance money. I feel helpless, this is worrying me a lot, even though I’m looking for a job very actively and even though I will now accept almost any office job, temp, interim… just to be able to have an income, it’s like everything I do is useless as there is no result. No wonder nightmares are invading my nights.

Well, just to the embassy in fact. My friend Cécile has had guests from Iran for the last 2 weeks, they are invited to the Embassy of Iran for a kind of reception. When I met them last week and learned about it, I suggested that I could go with them and yesterday Cécile called to say we’re both going, the dress code for women is no skirt or dress, no short sleeves, nothing sexy, business style and a scarf to wear on the head. Their boss is picking us up at 4.30pm and we’re off to Bern. We greet the ambassador and his wife and have some food. There are a lot of people there and 10 men for one woman only. The food is good but it’s hard to talk to anyone, they are all talking to people they know only so it’s difficult to socialize. We only stay a bit more than an hour and leave to have champagne in the car, it seems it’s a holiday today in Iran. On the way back, the snow slows us down and it takes quite some time to get back to Morges.

The night was a nightmare, repetitive bad dreams even when you think it’s over they are coming back, you think you can sleep again, think again, once you’re scared, you’re awake, you’ve a headache and you’re crying … resting, let alone sleeping, is not possible anymore. You like snakes? I don’t, I hate them, they are the scariest thing in the world, I can’t even see one on a painting. Who’s up to analyze my dreams?

First I am arriving at the doctor, it’s a woman. In her practice, there’s a small, long and thin serpent that hangs on the wall facing the door and inside a small cage on the wall there are more of the same small serpents. There’s nothing else in the room. As soon as I see them I start to have difficulties to breathe, I don’t feel well, I "moan”. I fall on the floor and can’t breathe anymore and I am scared like I’ve seen death. The serpents which were all curled together are starting to get out of the cage, they don’t like my “moaning”, and the lonely one is moving closer to me. The doctor does nothing to help. There is another person in the room who arrived with me but I don’t know who she/he is. I feel sick, I have a headache, I am anxious and wake up of suddenly of fear in the middle of the night with the dream’s headache and very tensed.

After I manage to calm down a little and try to sleep again, this time I am in my apartment and I discover huge serpents are entering through the balcony glass door. I don’t see where they come from, I live on the 7th floor. While they invade my living room I take refuge in my room, I am scared, I feel unable to do anything and I cry. I wake up crying. The rest of the night is feeling like there are serpents around me, I can’t put myself at rest and am still very tensed.

I came back just 6 days ago and this weekend in Coffrane is the first I spend there since … Christmas, I’ll only take my mother’s word on it. So what did I do then? I did all my laundry. It snowed all weekend and when it was time to leave on Sunday evening the roads were very bad. When it usually takes me 55 minutes to get to Morges this time it took 2 hours. The highway road were just about as bad as the countryside roads. Have a look for yourself…

My parents’ house                                    The bad roads